Aug 28 2011


Published by at 10:02 pm under Humor

Greetings, Cool Peeps:

Do you ever wonder about things that you figure the rest of the world knows except you? Were you afraid to raise your hand in school because you thought everyone else knew the answer, when in fact, nobody did? This week’s blog is about quirky little things that have played havoc with my brain, past and present. (Who knows what future perplexities will nag at me?)

Let me try to make things as simple as possible. Here’s a red apple:

Here are some oranges:

Here is a photo of Marcia Cross, the fine actress who played Bree Van de Camp on Desperate Housewives.

Women with the same hair color as Marcia are called redheads. Look at the apple. Look at the orange. Redheads? Why aren’t they called orangeheads? I know, cool peeps, at the advanced age of thirty-two, being the fashion-forward, hip woman that I am, why is it that I am still pondering the very same question that I had when I was six? My cat Captain Jack and other felines who look like him are referred to as orange cats, not red cats. Get my drift? Let’s keep going.

I often hear peeps tell me that they have “free long distance.” That just about kills me. I have a cell phone plan that allows me to make unlimited calls throughout the U.S. and Canada. But hear this: I pay the bill every month. Those minutes are not free. Free means you do not pay. Unless your cell phone carrier has forgiven your bill, you do not have free long distance. Whew! Okay. Sorry. I know most peeps know this; that rant was for the few who don’t.

And while I’m ranting about the word free, let me say here and now that it makes me freakin’ crazy when stores/retailers (both click & order and brick & mortar) offer a “free gift” with purchase. Peeps, when did you ever pay for a gift? If you paid for a gift, then it wasn’t a gift. Why does anyone use the term “free gift”?

Can we talk about food now? Specifically, pizza. There are lots of places that serve pizza and breadsticks. For some, they go together like tea and biscuits, wine and cheese, or steak and potatoes. Unless I’m mistaken, pizza is made from dough, right? Where I come from, dough is bread. So, please, tell me why anyone would want to have bread with his or her bread. Isn’t pizza fattening enough? Need another 150 calories per breadstick to jump-start your carb-orator? Seriously, are you freakin’ kidding me?

I’m going to stay on the subject of food for a bit longer, but I’m going to bring advertising into the mix. Companies, why do you animate food that is going to be eaten? Why give a chocolate chip cookie or an M&M a personality and have it say cute things if you want me to eat it? My mom used to tell me about the old StarKist TV commercial. Charlie the Tuna was always doing things like listening to classical music and appreciating art to show the company he had good taste. But the reply was always the same: “Sorry, Charlie. StarKist doesn’t want tunas with good taste; we want tuna that tastes good.” I do not believe that Charlie spent his days in the ocean looking for ways to get himself offed by StarKist and packaged into a can. Why is this kind of advertising strategy so popular? Do you like eating food that is animated in TV commercials and print ads?

And lastly, because I’m a reporter and must be concerned with the proper use of the English language, can you tell me why, in the past several years, a trend has emerged to use an apostrophes to pluralize a word? This perplexing phenomenon is a perpetual head-scratcher. “Hi Molly, here are the photo’s from the party last night.” Okay, I know where the photos were taken, but where did that apostrophe come from?

That’s a wrap for this week, peeps. I’d love to hear about the crazy, wacky things that make your head spin in confusion. Hope you’ll share your thoughts. For some reason, dear readers, you always make me feel sane.

See you next week.

Yours in pickiness,


27 responses so far


  1. James Morrisonon 28 Aug 2011 at 10:37 pm

    Hi Molly,

    That was an AWESOME rant!!! and I completely agree with all of what you said. I particularly hate it when people say they have free time on their phone plans, when they pay a bill each month 😛 so stupid.

    Yeah the redhead thing confuses me too. But to add to my confusion, in old Australian slang, the usual nickname for a person with orange hair was “Bluey” hahaha In the past few years tho, there has been a new nickname for people with orange hair in Australia which is “Ranga” which is something to do with the hair colour matching that of an orang-outang 😛 Sadly, I think that is more accurate that redhead 😛

    One thing which really annoys me is when you are talking with a group of people, and someone says “Just quietly” before talking themselves up. You are not talking quietly at all, and you are talking to a large group of people which kind of takes away any kind of secret which you might be trying to keep, so just don’t say it hahaha.

    My biggest pet hate at the moment is to do with computer talk keeping into spoken conversations. Back in the day, things like LOL, ROFL and FAIL were all terms used only in chat rooms or in gaming chat, but now there is a lot of people actually saying “LOL” instead of laughing. Isn’t that just stupid. LOL is for convenience when typing so you don’t have to actually type “Laugh Out Loud”. If you seriously need to shorten your spoken conversations so much you have to say LOL instead of actually laughing, maybe you should not have started the conversation to start with hahahaha

    Great blog again Molly!


  2. Mollyon 29 Aug 2011 at 12:10 am


    You are just the best! You never fail to crack me up. Ha ha! Glad that “free long distance” irks you, too. I’ve been called picky so much in my life that sometimes I think “Is it really just me?” Last week, I was talking to a dude at my office who mentioned that he had “free long distance.” I was in an evil mood (ha ha) so I said, “How did you get your carrier to give you free long distance? Wow, that must’ve been some negotiation. Can you help me get free long distance, too?” He had no freakin’ clue I was having him on, looked at me like I was the confused one, shook his head and walked away.

    Too funny about LOL! I like to use it in WRITTEN text because even if one is not actually laughing out loud, aside from a smiley face, it’s a way to indicate that you are taking something in a humorous way. But to SAY it? LOL! Just freakin’ laugh the old-fashioned way and people will get that you think it’s funny.

    Last week, I was representing my newspaper at a meeting here in town and there were about twenty peeps from all over. This one woman was very annoying. At one point, she turned to this guy she was sort of arguing with and said, “BTW, IMO, you’re completely clueless.” He looked at her, then at me, dumbfounded.

    “By the way, in my opinion,” I translated for him.

    He took a moment to absorb what had just happened, looked up at the woman and used some initials I can’t use on my GP-rated blog. It was hysterical. But I am SO in tune with you.

    You rock, James — and BTW, ha ha, interesting stuff on hair color terms in Oz.


  3. Betsyon 28 Aug 2011 at 11:07 pm

    My kid’s won’t eat the Pizza Crust’s, but will eat the Bread Stick’s dipped in the same sauce that they use on the pizza. They don’t believe me when I say it’s the same thing……So I let them eat the breadstick’s and I have their crust’s and dip it in the sauce. Yes. Do you see my ‘typo’s’???
    Sticking Tongue Out…oops I mean…

  4. Mollyon 28 Aug 2011 at 11:57 pm

    Hey Betsy:

    ha ha ha ha! That’s so funny about the breadsticks. It’s all dough! i love the crispy crust! One of my fave parts of eating pizza — on those rare occasions when I indulge. And I never have freakin’ breadsticks with my pizza. Maybe a small garden salad. Did I notice your typos? Hey, g/f, no idea what you could be talking about? 😛

    Yours in pickiness,

  5. Lisaon 28 Aug 2011 at 11:28 pm

    There are a few SMH moments that spring to mind that I just cannot fathom. The topics are one’s that don’t affect me directly but many of my dearest friends. I daren’t mention them though due to the fact they are sensitive issues and as much as I would love to discuss them, I simply cannot.

    The other major topic of discussion that throws me in a spin is when I hear about…. yeah, No I really cannot talk about that either. Hmmm difficult.

    Oh.. what about people who start to mention something and then backtrack and leave you hanging- Very perplexing indeed. 😀

    I guess I become perplexed when people do not understand logic. It’s really very simple but some people just don’t get it and no matter how simple you make it- nup, it just aint turning the light globe on upstairs.

    Not keen on the ‘Oh, my bad’ comment. WT 8^O

    Thanks Molly,
    You are the best gorgeous 😉

  6. Mollyon 28 Aug 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Hey Lisa:

    I know what you mean — some of life’s most perplexing things are those situations we know about and can’t openly share. As long as there are peeps in the world, they will continue to perplex and confound other peeps, for sure.

    OMG — how funny you should mention the “Oh, my bad!” comment! Absolutely drives me NUTS! (Not that you can imagine yours truly going nuts!) A couple of years ago, when I first heard that annoying expression creep into daily parlance, I was watching TV and a character on the show, in his 60s, said, “Oh, my bad.” It was one of those moments that just jolts you from the suspended disbelief you experience when watching that show. All I could think of was that the person who write that line was obviously young — and there was no way in freakin’ hell that the older, distinguished character would have said that. No freakin’ way! Every time someone says, “Oh, my bad,” I want to ask, “Your bad what?!” Can you tell you hit a nerve?

    Always love it when you come by!


  7. Lisaon 28 Aug 2011 at 11:30 pm

    Did you see it Molly? 😀 Perplexing hey hahaha

  8. Stuart Ross McCallumon 29 Aug 2011 at 12:38 am

    Hi Molly,

    You sure have the knack for engaging your readers, I could relate to your perplexes, and I have a couple of my own to add to the pot.

    As I have always enjoyed telling jokes, I dislike immensely when people who don’t understand the humour, to save embarrassment will say, “That’s sick.” No, its’ not sick, they just don’t get it. A baby in a blender is sick! Please excuse my outburst. 🙂

    I’m fine now. Another one that rates highly is annoying, self-centered people on social-networking sites like Twitter. They have no understanding of the word social, and bombard those of us who enjoy interacting with their unwanted goods and services. A polite hello would make a huge difference….I could go on. 🙂

    Thank you Molly, and to all of you who commented—-terrific stuff. Have a great week.

    Stuart 🙂

  9. Mollyon 30 Aug 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Hey Stuart:

    Your comment about “that’s sick” reminds me of something that truly peeves me. How many times have people told you a joke that was NOT funny, and then said to you, “Oh, you have no sense of humor.” Oh, I have a freakin’ sense of humor and that’s how I know that joke was so not funny. Humor is a subjective thing. And I’ve heard the “oh, that’s sick thing, too.” Like you, I find that’s a good out for people who just don’t get it.

    Thanks for your wonderful comments & your truly rockin’ support.


  10. Janeton 29 Aug 2011 at 7:34 am

    Hey Molly,

    I completely agree and have pondered and still ponder ALL that you’ve ranted about. Remember those slim jim commercials that says “snap into a slim jim… EAT me!!”, now.. everytime I want a slim jim I hesitate because I think of that little freaky slim jim character with that creepy sounding voice… but however, it doesn’t stop me lol still creepy though!

    and my friends that dye their hair red, like apple red, they’re never called red heads.. orange on the other hand, people call them red heads. wierd huh?

    Got to get back to studying, til next time xoxo

  11. Mollyon 29 Aug 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Hey Janet:

    Thanks for taking a breather from the books to stop by. You know, somehow I missed those Slim Jim commercials, but yeah, that is exactly what I’m talking about. OMG — I so would not want to bite into anything that had been animated. Just to eat a freakin’ M&M (which I don’t really like anyway), I have to go through a complete mental psych job on myself. “It’s just a commercial, Molly. This is just a piece of candy. It has no personality. It is not real. You can eat it without consequence.”

    Isn’t my friend James the BEST? 😀

    See you next time.


  12. Janeton 29 Aug 2011 at 7:36 am

    and as to what your friend James Morrison said about his pet hate on comp lingo in real convo, I totally agree!!! haha LOL instead of laughing… that’s funny but so sad! What is the world becoming?

  13. paula paquetteon 29 Aug 2011 at 8:16 am

    I have a perplexing thing to add. Everywhere you go, people ask “how are you”, “how are you doing”? They really don’t want to know and usually turn and walk away after asking. Usually, the answer is , “good”, “You”?, and then You walk away. Recently, when I was doing lousy, I told a few of these well meaning peeps not to ask questions they didn’t want the answer to. Then I bored a couple others with my knee ailments. Funny, people are just waving now…

  14. Mollyon 29 Aug 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Hey Paula:

    You are so right! Funny you mentioned this. A couple of years ago, my friend Randy & I were discussing this. He came up with this idea that we should both go for a week and RESPOND to every person who said “How are you?” Peeps were so surprised when they said, “Hey Molly, how are you?” and I gave them a response. Some actually looked at me like, “Are you freakin’ kidding me? Do you think I actually care how you are?” Funny world we live in where peeps think we’re nuts for responding to a question we were asked.

    Great to hear from you.

    Yours in pickiness,


  15. Sheri Wilkinsonon 29 Aug 2011 at 6:41 pm

    I have to say I agree with what all the people are saying…Especially James…I want to scream when I hear someone say OMG, Did you see her Baby Bump! yeah that irks me…since when is a pregnant womans belly a Baby Bump? And baby Daddy, Baby Momma Drama, Junk in the trunk… WTH is that all about? I must be getting old Molly because I just do not get modern slang….
    Great Topic you started my week off with a smile..

    Oh and speaking of redheads…out here they call them gingers??????

  16. Mollyon 30 Aug 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Hey there, Sheri:

    You are hilarious, g/f. It’s so funny how in tune I am with my wonderful readers. Baby bump tweaks me a little beaucoup, too. I noticed that it started in the tabloids (not that I read them anywhere but in line at the supermarket) regarding speculation about a celebrity being pregnant or not. i do not like the term. Reminds me of a freakin’ speed bump or something. You’re so right — the word “pregnant” will do the job just fine! And I am “laughing out loud” at all of the rest. You ought to do stand up!

    You rock!

    Yours in pickiness,

  17. Stuart Ross McCallumon 29 Aug 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Hey Guys,

    This is definitely a – happening – blog. I just needed to say how much I have been enjoying the comments from your fans, Molly. It is reassuring to know that we are all a little quirky at times.

    Until next time, Stuart 🙂

  18. Leigh Annon 30 Aug 2011 at 12:34 pm

    I can’t let this week’s blog post get by without telling you all about what one of my hyper-literate friends (who shall remain nameless) who, like you, Molly, is a wordsmith by trade, yet referred to the apostrophe (‘) symbol in a moment of mental nadir as “the possessive thingy”:

    I teach at the university level. Therefore, it is expected that students would have at least some degree of a command of the rules of English, even those folks whose first language isn’t English at all. But nay, ’tisn’t so. In fact, I have consistently found that the most advanced grammar/syntax students are those who speak multiple languages, or at least learned English as a 2nd language.

    Anyway, I have to give you a quick rundown of the grammatical offenses that I list in my FAQ page that students simply *must not* commit lest I go into orbit on their papers:

    Their ——– There —- They’re

    Too —— Two —— To

    Weather —— Whether

    Severe —- Sever

    Way —- Weigh

    Affect — Effect

    Accept — Except

    Right —- Write —- Rite

    Cite —- Sight —- Site

    Leave — Leaf

    Live — Life

    Then — Than (This one is *chronic!*)

    Your — You’re (And this one too.)

    Cause —- Because

    Want — Won’t

    Its — It’s

    Lose — Loose

    Advice — Advise

    Hungary — Hungry (This one always makes me laugh. To think! Austria borders the nation of “empty stomach!”)

    Since — sense

    Yes, this is an actual list that is attached to my syllabus. And I want to add also, Molly, your point about the “possessive-thingy” as my hyper-literate friend called it, was never more obvious when Old Navy recently issued a press release apologizing for a typo on a new shirt they had made for the Fall, saying something like, “Lets Go Team.”

    Reminds me of the movie “Idiocracy.” Mentally, we’re slowly circling the drain . . . . *sigh!*

  19. Mollyon 30 Aug 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Well, hey there Leigh Ann:

    This is a great list! I think it’s fabulous that you attach it to your syllabus. More teachers and professors ought to do that. So, how exactly do you “go into orbit” on a student who commits these heinous grammatical errors? ha ha. Do you hit them over the head with a “possessive thingy?”

    I love this comment — hilarious and informative. Always a treat for me when you come to Swansea!


  20. Leigh Annon 31 Aug 2011 at 2:18 am

    Dear Molly —

    The idea of adding this list to my syllabus was an act of desperation — after making the same corrections to scads of papers every semester, I figured there had to be a better way to make sure that students had their 6th grade grammar rules in their heads when writing university-level papers.

    Going into orbit, my dear Molly, is an acquired skill. First, all patience must be exhausted. This generally comes after telling the same person over and over and over that the words “weather” and “whether” are neither the same nor interchangeable.

    Next, an attitude of “What? Me, make a writing error? Impossible!” doesn’t help. Telling the instructor that she must be an imbecile because she can’t understand the student’s newfangled language doesn’t exactly send the message that the student *really* wants to learn.

    Usually, an email follows in which I encourage the student to contact the writing center for help. Also, I call up my friends, in particular the erudite “possessive-thingy” wordsmith who, over the years has seen/heard me verbalize my professional angst so often, and whine. Cathartic for me, humorous for them.

  21. Marta Moran-Bishopon 01 Sep 2011 at 9:35 am

    Hi Molly,

    As usual you blog is “the” most happening place to be. I always have to read all the comments then check in again for more, “laughing out loud,” at so many of these comments.

    Leigh love your syllabus idea, I could have used it in school, in fact have copied and pasted it for future reference.

    One of my biggest pet peeves, besides your long distance one, is the commercials and advertisements that state “free installation,” now come on really, which one of us is going to spend our days installing carpeting or windows free? I find this really truly annoying and more so when I realize how many peeps actually believe this.

    I also have a problem with the redhead thing it is something that I have been wondering about since I have been about five or six.

    Personally when someone asks me how I am, I usually ignore their question or say you don’t want to know. Then I turn around and ask them, but stop and wait for them to answer. If you try it you will find them completely perplexed, they truly are thrown for a loop trying to figure out what to do and how to answer.

    But my biggest tweak is people asking you for information and then proceeding to talk or argue over you before you have had a chance to answer the question.

    Thanks again Molly for a fab topic.

  22. Ann Maurenon 02 Sep 2011 at 5:21 am

    Loved this post Molly!

    I had to laugh (and then feel guilty) about the Pizza & Breadsticks bit. Don’t you know I had that for lunch at Kings Island amusement park the other day and even while I sat enjoying, eating every last carb-laden bite, I was thinking, “This is incredibly stupid. Pizza (bread with sauce and cheese) and Breadsticks (bread w/o the sauce and cheese) Who’s idea was this, anyway? And why do I enjoy it so much when it’s clearly ridiculous?”

    Thanks for a fun post! You always make me think and laugh out loud!

  23. Mollyon 03 Sep 2011 at 9:50 pm

    Hey Ann:

    Ha ha! I’m so glad to hear that you pondered the absurdity of the pizza and breadsticks as you chowed down. Clearly, the two wouldn’t be served together if peeps didn’t like them. But I don’t know if I’ll ever understand “bread and bread.” The most important thing is that you enjoyed your treat! Ridiculous or not, we should all have pleasurable moments when we can find them. Bon Appétit, Ann!

    Yours in pickiness,

  24. Gabriel Barbaroon 03 Sep 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Thank you for your pickiness! Not only is it refreshingly concise, it is highly warranted! If just half the citizens of the US stopped watching tv for a night and cracked The Elements of Style by Strunk & White, the English language would be a much safer place!

  25. Mollyon 03 Sep 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Hey Gabriel:

    I think if half of the U.S. even heard of Strunk & White, we’d be better off. Such a thin little book, but so important. Mine sits on my shelf above my computer at work. It often falls and bops me on the head. I think it’s trying to remind me to use it when need be.

    Great to have you here.

    Yours in pickiness,

  26. Debon 13 Sep 2011 at 4:23 am

    Dearest Molly:

    I love the message regarding the apostrope as it frequently bothers me. And, it certainly has become a “fad” of some (non)sense.

    I have something to share with you regarding your “red-head” inquiry. I have a daughter who has “red” hair. Her popular statement to people who question her being a red-head is, “I have red hair, my head is not red!”

    So, there you have it. Yet another slant on “red-heads.”


    Have a fun day!!

  27. Debon 13 Sep 2011 at 4:24 am

    p.s. I never understand the pizza and breadsticks thing either. Makes absolutely NO sense at all. I am glad I am not alone on that one! 🙂

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply