Aug 28 2011
Greetings, Cool Peeps:
Do you ever wonder about things that you figure the rest of the world knows except you? Were you afraid to raise your hand in school because you thought everyone else knew the answer, when in fact, nobody did? This week’s blog is about quirky little things that have played havoc with my brain, past and present. (Who knows what future perplexities will nag at me?)
Let me try to make things as simple as possible. Here’s a red apple:
Here are some oranges:
Here is a photo of Marcia Cross, the fine actress who played Bree Van de Camp on Desperate Housewives.
Women with the same hair color as Marcia are called redheads. Look at the apple. Look at the orange. Redheads? Why aren’t they called orangeheads? I know, cool peeps, at the advanced age of thirty-two, being the fashion-forward, hip woman that I am, why is it that I am still pondering the very same question that I had when I was six? My cat Captain Jack and other felines who look like him are referred to as orange cats, not red cats. Get my drift? Let’s keep going.
I often hear peeps tell me that they have “free long distance.” That just about kills me. I have a cell phone plan that allows me to make unlimited calls throughout the U.S. and Canada. But hear this: I pay the bill every month. Those minutes are not free. Free means you do not pay. Unless your cell phone carrier has forgiven your bill, you do not have free long distance. Whew! Okay. Sorry. I know most peeps know this; that rant was for the few who don’t.
And while I’m ranting about the word free, let me say here and now that it makes me freakin’ crazy when stores/retailers (both click & order and brick & mortar) offer a “free gift” with purchase. Peeps, when did you ever pay for a gift? If you paid for a gift, then it wasn’t a gift. Why does anyone use the term “free gift”?
Can we talk about food now? Specifically, pizza. There are lots of places that serve pizza and breadsticks. For some, they go together like tea and biscuits, wine and cheese, or steak and potatoes. Unless I’m mistaken, pizza is made from dough, right? Where I come from, dough is bread. So, please, tell me why anyone would want to have bread with his or her bread. Isn’t pizza fattening enough? Need another 150 calories per breadstick to jump-start your carb-orator? Seriously, are you freakin’ kidding me?
I’m going to stay on the subject of food for a bit longer, but I’m going to bring advertising into the mix. Companies, why do you animate food that is going to be eaten? Why give a chocolate chip cookie or an M&M a personality and have it say cute things if you want me to eat it? My mom used to tell me about the old StarKist TV commercial. Charlie the Tuna was always doing things like listening to classical music and appreciating art to show the company he had good taste. But the reply was always the same: “Sorry, Charlie. StarKist doesn’t want tunas with good taste; we want tuna that tastes good.” I do not believe that Charlie spent his days in the ocean looking for ways to get himself offed by StarKist and packaged into a can. Why is this kind of advertising strategy so popular? Do you like eating food that is animated in TV commercials and print ads?
And lastly, because I’m a reporter and must be concerned with the proper use of the English language, can you tell me why, in the past several years, a trend has emerged to use an apostrophes to pluralize a word? This perplexing phenomenon is a perpetual head-scratcher. “Hi Molly, here are the photo’s from the party last night.” Okay, I know where the photos were taken, but where did that apostrophe come from?
That’s a wrap for this week, peeps. I’d love to hear about the crazy, wacky things that make your head spin in confusion. Hope you’ll share your thoughts. For some reason, dear readers, you always make me feel sane.
See you next week.
Yours in pickiness,