Jul 24 2011
Greetings, Cool Peeps:
This week’s blog isn’t about what you do after a fight with your loved one (kiss and make up) but rather about kissing and makeup.
Before I was at the age that I ever kissed anyone (except in my daydreams), I did, of course, ponder the act of kissing from all angles, especially the makeup angle. However, my fantasies came from two sources: by observing my now-thrice-divorced aunt Pauline and by watching TV.
Let me start with Pauline. It is unbelievable that she and my mother are from the same parents. Freakin’ unbelievable. But I digress. Pauline, in her never-ending quest to snare a man, wears copious amounts of makeup, not to mention grotesque fake eyelashes. Pauline had her first divorce when I was ten. As a child, I had a secret suspicion that her marriage failed because no man wanted to kiss the layers of red lipstick that she constantly reapplied.
So peeps, stay with me here. When I was fifteen, my mother, the consummate hostess, had a party to celebrate her friend Susan’s fortieth birthday. An hour into the gala, Susan was alarmed when her boyfriend disappeared. And who disappeared right along with him? Yup. Pauline.
In no time at all, Susan found them — together, in the freakin’ pantry. Susan’s cheating boyfriend was not only red-faced from embarrassment but he was wearing Pauline’s lipstick all over his face. Oh, the clueless cheat also had no idea that one of my aunt’s false eyelashes was stuck to his forehead. You should have seen Pauline’s face when she noticed it! Ah, a moment divine.
Everyone at the party was horrified, but the biggest problem was that most of the peeps were trying not to laugh their asses off in front of poor Susan. Anyway, her cheating b/f ended up being Pauline’s second husband. That blissful union lasted for three years, two of them in divorce court.
Okay, so, as you can see, I had some grotesque early images about kissing that still mess with my mind today. But I think about it. Usually, when I am kissing a man, I haven’t just applied lipstick. However, I can’t help wondering how men feel about that. Anyone out there brave enough to share?
And now, a few words about makeup on TV and in the movies. I cannot tell you how many times makeup issues ruin films and TV shows for me. Did you ever see Girl, Interrupted? It’s a true story about this girl’s stay in a mental institution in the ‘60s. Winona Ryder plays Susanna Kaysen and Angelina Jolie is this off-the-wall chick named Lisa.
So, of course Angelina wore makeup, but they made her up to look crazy and beautiful. The point is, she didn’t look as if she had just “put on her face.” But Winona’s character was always so perfectly made up. I haven’t seen the film since it came out in 1999, but I still remember her lying in bed, with perfect makeup and glistening lip gloss. No way she would have been all glammed up at that point in the film. No freakin’ way. Why does Hollywood spend millions to make movies and then have their women made up so inappropriately? I think I know the answer, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Lastly, I’d like to touch upon the women on soap operas. Haven’t watched in years, but I can’t tell you how many times I saw a character lying in bed with a fully made-up face. Peeps, even my aunt Pauline washes the stuff off at night. Nobody goes to bed with a face full of makeup. Aside from the damage to one’s skin, it’s a great way to ruin your sheets. Even more absurd is a woman waking up with her war paint intact. That’s not quite as bad as a character wearing a bandage after lifesaving brain surgery and having their full head of hair back in a week. But it’s close. And I’m out of space.
Let’s just keep it real, shall we? Please, peeps, tell me your thoughts. You know I love hearing from all of you.
See you next week.
Yours in pickiness,