Jul 17 2011
Greetings, Cool Peeps:
I love my life in Swansea — most days — but there’s just so much “small town” I can take. That’s when I run off to New York, where I escape from all of the people who make me freakin’ nuts, only to find strangers who do the same. But I don’t know their names, and they don’t know mine. Sometimes being anonymous is just what I need to cope with my crazy life.
I know some of you have visited New York, and some of you have not. So, I thought that I would take a “cool peeps day” in the Big Apple. I hope you’ll enjoy this glimpse of New York through my eyes.
First, let’s drive up the West River Drive and into Harlem.
Welcome to Harlem. Isn’t this the coolest elevated train structure? I first saw this as a kid when my parents brought my little sister Hannah and me to New York. As soon as I saw this, I was begging my dad to stop the car so I could climb this monstrosity. He tried explaining to me that this was neither a jungle gym nor a playground, but I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted to CLIMB!
And here’s the famous Apollo Theater, home to some of the coolest acts ever.
Now, let’s head south and stop in Central Park, one of my very favorite places in New York. I love the vibe here, and walking through the park on a beautiful day is one of the best feelings ever. It calms me down. As you might have guessed, “calm” is a state of being that eludes me most days.
Since I’m playing tour guide, let me take you to the area where most tourists go — to Times Square and the theater district. As you can see, I’m very popular here.
If you want to leave my tour and hop on a bus, here’s one ready to go. But wouldn’t you rather stay here with yours truly?
If any of you are Seinfeld fans, you know all about Jerry and the dude he calls the “Soup Nazi.” No soup for you!
Check this place out, peeps. Somewhere out there roaming the country is a guy named Tex who lived in Swansea for about a year. This guy was so freakin’ into me that he surprised me one day with a “Molly” tat that he got in this joint. I was blown away, but not as much so as when I saw that he had “Jennifer,” “Lisa,” “Susie,” and “Candy” also on his visible body parts. Seriously, who makes their body a human canvas to impress a woman?
As for this place, yeah, I’ve got crazy fantasies, but somehow I don’t think this story carries white picket fences. And if they do, they’re likely used for something that I can’t talk about in this blog.
Want to take in a show? You’re in the right neighborhood. How do you like this electronic billboard? I know, some peeps think it was King Kong who climbed the Empire State Building. Wrong! As you can see, it was really a giant red M&M.
If you want a fab meal before or after the theater, join me here on Restaurant Row on West 46th Street. I love Joe Allen’s. Someone I loved a lot used to take me here. Moving right along…
Do you want to pick up a souvenir before you leave? Here’s one of many shops you can check out. And no, peeps, that’s not Pebbles Flintstone in the window. It’s her New York cousin. She came here to be a model in the stoned age and this is what happened. The city broke her in two.
There’s so much more I want to show you in New York, but our tour is coming to an end as we head down to the Village. Peeps, let me give you some advice: if you see this truck, keep moving. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not eat a freakin’ funnel cake! There’s close to eight hundred calories in these things, not to mention forty-four grams of fat. Let’s keep going and say goodbye to Cholesterol on Wheels.
It’s appropriate that I leave you at the famed music spot, The Bitter End, where many musical superstars began their careers. I’m going in for a glass of wine with this gorgeous dark-haired guy I just met. Wish me luck.
Tell me, peeps, for those of you who live in New York or have visited, what are your favorite spots? For those of you who want to visit, what are the places you most want to see? Any crazy New York stories for me?
See you next week.
Yours in pickiness,