Jun 12 2011
Greetings, Cool Peeps:
Do you ever wonder about yourself? Do you ever look in the mirror and say, “Are you freakin’ kidding me?” For those who have ever pondered their own behavior, I’m coming clean with ten wacko things I do or have done. I won’t be doing them David Letterman countdown style because I couldn’t possibly rate these acts in terms of wackiness.
1. I like to test beauty products in stores. Being a lotion freak, I scan the shelves looking for the bottle labeled Tester and I go to town. More than once, I have had complete duh-you-moron moments when I have squeezed big wads of soap into my hands. Soap, as if you didn’t know, needs to be washed off with water. Nobody wants to stand in the middle of a freakin’ store with soapy, sticky hands and no faucet to be found.
2. I have gone to restaurants or other public places, seen my own image in the glass, and said to myself, “Who is that freakin’ woman and why is she staring at me?” Yes, peeps, I truly have.
3. I have been known to try to start verbal battles with digital voices, especially those with whom I am stuck in voicemail hell. So far, not one has duked it out with me, but I’m ready for her when she does. The woman in my GPS is my arch enemy. I call her “the bitch.” There is no rhyme nor reason to the bizarre routes she chooses for me. She gives women a bad name. Because of her, I have an insane reaction to the word recalculating. I’m betting I have lots of company here.
4. I have had meltdowns looking through my closet for a favorite item of clothing only to find out that I’m wearing the freakin’ thing. I look for sunglasses when I’m wearing them, keys when I’m holding them, shoes that are on my feet, earrings in my ears, and much more. I know you can relate. You do it, too, right?
5. I look for elephants in rain puddles.
6. I’m just kidding about #5. I like to write completely absurd things just to see if people are paying attention.
7. I have seen cars on the road that look exactly like my own, and sometimes I have actually looked to see if I am driving.
8. I hope I’ve outgrown this one, but I used to get the names and addresses of random people from the phone book before going out of town on a trip. I would then send them a postcard once I got to my destination, saying how much I wish they were with me and what a great time I was having. I would end it by signing a fake name and smudging it. I just loved wondering about peeps’ reactions. I mean, did they stay up all freakin’ night wondering who sent it? Did they ask everyone they knew if they had sent it?
9. I have locked my keys in the car more than once. Don’t you just hate sitting behind the steering wheel waiting for someone to open the freakin’ door?
10. I often put perfume on before having my photo taken. Yes, I know it is lame and I know that it does not make the photo smell of my fave scent. But in my head, I feel like it makes me prettier. And when I feel prettier, I smile more. How about you?
Okay, I’ve just spilled my guts here. Please, tell me about some of the wacko things you do. Anyone have any habits like mine? Lisa, Janet, Talatha, Caroline, Leigh Ann, Sheri, Stuart, Harriet, Carolyn, Rebecca, Caroline, James, and everyone else out there — I’m talking to you! ☺
See you next week!
Yours in pickiness,