Jun 05 2011


Published by at 10:21 pm under Travel

Greetings, Cool Peeps:

“Beam me up, Scotty.”

Oh, how I wish what worked for Captain Kirk would work for me.

Today I’m going to talk about traveling: the good, the bad, and the ugly. My favorite part about trippin’ is arriving at my destination. Everything in between usually stresses me out.

Does anyone like to pack? Have you ever taken a trip when you used exactly what you calculated you would need, no more, no less? Even if I’m taking a quick jaunt for business, I never get it right. If I fly somewhere on vacation, forget about it. I’ll have way more of everything I don’t need and then have to run out and buy (if I can find it) whatever I neglected to pack.

What really burns me is when I forget things like the charger for my electronic devices. A charger is something you totally cannot do without, and you do not want to buy a new one just for a freakin’ day or two.

Of special fun for me is trying to make sure my suitcase doesn’t weigh over fifty pounds. My hair stuff, hair dryer, Jimmy Choos, and assorted beauty products weigh that much. I neither want to pay a charge for overweight luggage nor sit on the airport floor, sobbing, as I go through my suitcase and try to figure out what I can discard or throw into my overstuffed carry-on. And I don’t even want to talk about security.

Do you know why my hair is shoulder length? Because when I had long hair it used to get caught under the shoulder straps of my luggage or heavy purse. As many of you long-haired peeps know, having a shoulder strap pull your hair, jerking your head to one side, is not a pleasant experience. Shoulder welts are not pretty, either.

Let me move right along to the greatest bane of my traveling life: flying in freakin’ coach. Really, why not just chain me to the wing and pull me along at five or six hundred miles per hour? At the very least, it would cure my cabin fever-slash-claustrophobia.

Peeps, I have to say it: if you recline your seats in coach, there is a special place in hell for you. Even people of moderate height know there is no legroom to be had. You have to be a contortionist just to get stuff out of your bag that is placed under the seat in front of you. Nothing fun about it. Which is why you do not need the jerk in the seat in front of you to freakin’ recline, smacking you in the knees and completely restricting your access to whatever you’ve carried on. And what is the grand prize for such insane rudeness – an extra inch? That extra inch will never give you as much comfort as it will give another pain. Karma is a bitch. Just remember that. Do not recline in coach. Just don’t do it.

If I have to fly, give me a window seat. At least I can get a glimpse of what it’s like to float above the clouds; there’s something magical about it. And I can rest my head against the wall and drift off to sleep.

I have just one little issue. Why is it that every time I really need to use the restroom, it’s during refreshment time when the peeps in the middle and aisle seats have their tray tables lowered with drinks on them? I don’t like to ask people to move, so I wait until the imbibing and munching are over. I’m nice that way. The only problem is that by then, half the plane wants to use the restroom. And if the line weren’t long enough, the captain will invariably come on and tell us that they’re going through some turbulence and that passengers must return to their seats and secure all seat belts. Oh yeah, and restore all trays to an upright position.

Why can’t Scotty just beam us all up? How about you, cool peeps; what are your favorite and least favorite parts of traveling?

See you next week,

Yours in pickiness,


24 responses so far

24 Responses to “BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!”

  1. Marta Moran-Bishopon 06 Jun 2011 at 12:58 am

    Hi Molly,

    Having made so many moves in my life anything longer than a day begins to make me feel like I am moving again. So I don’t much like traveling anymore.

    Yet I do have one tip for you. Get the front seat in coach, make friends with the stewards, yup get them laughing a bit, joking and telling you their stories.
    Believe it or not this usually not only gets you extra leg room. It also gets you free wine from first class.

    Oh one other tip, bring the clothes along that you no longer want, so you can throw them away and put your souvenirs in your luggage when you leave to go home.

    Loved the conversation thank you.

  2. Mollyon 06 Jun 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Hey Marta:

    So nice to see you again this week. Oh, don’t I wish I could get that first seat in coach. By the time I book my flights, that kind of choice availability usually isn’t an option. I wish I earned enough to go freakin’ First Class? I have traveled that way on occasion, and let me just say this: it makes it THAT much harder to go back.

    Thanks for stopping by, Marta. You are ever-delightful.


  3. Stuart Ross McCallumon 06 Jun 2011 at 1:46 am

    Ah Molly,

    Yes, the perils of travelling. Consideration for fellow passengers is vital for a stress free, harmonious journey. Sadly, too many travellers don’t demonstrate this quality.

    I could relate to your experience when the person in front selfishly reclined their chair into your space. Disappointingly, I had the same situation on a recent – short – flight. Moments after lift-off a stranger’s head began lowering itself, and appeared in my lap. I began with a polite, “Would you mind keeping your seat in the upright position?” No response. I spent the following few minutes kneeing the back of his seat until he finally got the message. This ugly situation would have been avoided if he packed, a little, thoughtfulness.

    Thanks for yet another awesome post.

  4. Mollyon 06 Jun 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Well, hey there Stuart:

    I always love seeing you here. Great line, “if he’d only packed a little thoughtfulness.” I see you feel my pain about peeps that recline in coach. I also have had to come up with all sorts of creative ways to put an end to the rudeness in front of me. It is not something I like to engage in, but a necessity indeed. OMG, the idea of a stranger’s head appearing in my lap gives me the freakin’ willies. I hope that never happens again. If you have any long plane rides in your future, I hope you get lucky, or at very least, are prepared to get clever in the friendly skies.


  5. Janeton 06 Jun 2011 at 6:04 am


    I’ve been waiting for this blog 🙂 I remember talking to Lisette about this very same issue! Isn’t it horrible that when we forget a charger, we have to pay $30-35 bucks to buy a new one, to use only for a couple days? And I totally feel you on that overweight luggage… I moved back to Cali from NY a few weeks ago and ended up paying $175.. yes you read right.. $175 per bag. $75 for extra baggage fee, and an addition $100 for super overweight fee. I couldn’t take anything out because I was moving all the stuff in my apartment home…AND I had 6 bags…I don’t even want to do the math!

    Til next time Molly xoxo

    PS I have that same problem with long hair and purses (pocketbooks) too.. but you’re lucky, you look great with long and short hair too!

  6. Mollyon 06 Jun 2011 at 12:50 pm


    Hey there, g/f. Let me just say this: O.M. Freakin’ G! You paid what? I am feeling your pain so much that my credit cards are melting in my wallet. Wow, that’s a shame. I am sorry to hear that. It is not a good thing when your luggage cost way more than the plane ticket, which I’m assuming is the case. I hope your future trips are much more kind to you.


  7. Lisaon 06 Jun 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Hi Molly,

    Wonderful post as always 😀
    I guess being a non-argumentative person, I tend to put up with peoples’ inconsiderate behaviour. The world is full of them and quite frankly, I don’t want to feel angry and waste my energy on these thoughtless individuals. So I grin and bear it.

    Having said that, my hubby is NOT like that and will be vocal and express his dislike – probably for the whole entire trip which DOES impact on me.

    We have a long flight fast approaching us, too. I guess I will swap seats with him or just hit him over the head with my carry-on. Haven’t decided yet.

    Cheers and thanks 😀

  8. Mollyon 06 Jun 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Hey Lisa:

    Thanks for posting, g/f. You sound like a person of unbelievable patience. I’m afraid I’m a bit more like your hubby, especially when I am peeved by someone’s thoughtlessness or rudeness. If I don’t go a wee bit ballistic on the outside, you can be sure I’m have a crisis on the inside.

    So, you have an upcoming flight? A long one, huh? I hope it is a smooth ride and that you have the time of your life. I somehow suspect that you will.


  9. Sherion 06 Jun 2011 at 5:15 pm

    I have to say my least favorite part of flying is the FOOD! Honestly I do not think I have ever eaten a good meal. As for what I like the most about flying….READING! A great book can start my trip off in a good way and relax me instantly.
    Thanks for this enlightening topic!

  10. Mollyon 06 Jun 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Hey Sheri:

    Airline food sucks royally, but as you probably know, most airlines stopped serving meals a few years ago. I’m not sure how many hours a flight has to be before you are treated to a scrumptious airline meal, but going from the east to the west coast isn’t long enough to get fed. Airlines are now selling food and what they’re offering is a wee bit better than fare of times past ’cause peeps are paying for it. I always bring my own chow on board. There’s enough about flying to tweak me. Who needs to deplane with a stomach ache. Thanks so much for stopping by, Sheri. You rock, g/f.


  11. Rebeccaon 06 Jun 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Lord, where to begin? Every sentence, not only written by Molly, but also the comments, are just so spot on. I can see my reflection in my laptop and I look like a piece of elastic nodding my head up and down so vigorously.

    And the full body scan thing . . . . . . oh, bloody hell . .. . . is that *really* necessary? So now, I can have my cigarette lighter back, yet I have to walk through this x-ray thing that allows whomever’s on the other side to see my goodies?

    Molly, have you been through this scanner thinger yet? Thoughts?

  12. Mollyon 06 Jun 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Hey Rebecca:

    Thanks for stopping by this week. A pleasure to see you here again. Oh, my, that delightful scanner. NOT a fan. And yes, I have been through the freakin’ thing. It’s all very fast, but they make you put your arms up, and you are out in seconds. But it is what peeps see of you in those seconds that freaks me out. Just having looked at still photos of what the scans reveal makes Molly an unhappy girl.

    Love your comments, Rebecca!


  13. James Morrisonon 06 Jun 2011 at 9:09 pm

    Hey Molly,

    Love the comment about the chargers. I thought I had a great solution to that problem. I bought myself a small bag which I put all my charges in when i go on holidays so I’m not continually looking through my bag for them. So I always make sure I put it in my bag very early into the packing exercise to ensure I have them while I’m away.

    I thought I had it all figured out until a recent trip from Australia to England for work, where I managed to forget the bag. Lets just say I now have 2 Laptop chargers, 2 iPhone chargers, 2 shaver chargers and AUS to UK power adaptors. So freaking annoying.

    And don’t even get me started about flying! I hate it. I can’t stand sitting next to someone on the train for 30 minutes, let alone sitting next to someone on a plane for 22 hours, sharing the same recycled air, eating the disgusting airline food and trying to make an usually awkward situation even more awkward by starting idol conversation.

    1 last quick story, on my last trip to England, I bought myself a nice pair of Blue and red unisex asics runners. I wore them on the flight on the way home, and on the flight I was sat next to a nice looking girl, who just happened to be wearing the same shoes as me.

    So as is my usual procedure I tried to start idol conversation with her by saying “Nice shoes”, To which she replied without looking at my shoe “Thanks”, followed by shooting me a look like i was some kind of creepy weirdo 😛

    So awkward hahahaha
    Great post as usual Molly!

    James Morrison

  14. Mollyon 06 Jun 2011 at 9:20 pm

    Hey James:

    So glad you joined in the convo again! Great to hear from you. OMG, I would have so done the same thing re the chargers. What am I saying, “I have done the same thing.” I’ve made extensive lists and lost them. I’ve put things in such secure places I haven’t a clue where there are. I’ve made every travel screw-up there is!

    Ha ha ha re the girl thinking you’re a “creepy weirdo.” I guess you could have tried to explain, but then it might have made things worse.

    On the subject of “creepy weirdos,” I had one hit on me (big time) and he was sitting right next to me. I was so freaked at having to fly six hours next to him. The next thing I knew, the dude fell asleep. That wouldn’t have been so bad except he fell to his left and landed on me with a huge snort. I said “Are you freakin’ kidding me?” and he woke up and murmured “sorry.” Five minutes later, the dude did the same thing again. It was a full flight and there was nowhere to move. Thank God for a man across the aisle. He was a big bruiser kind of guy and he was chivalrous and exchanged window seats with me. I was never so grateful to anyone in my life.

    Great chatting with you! Hope to see you again.

    Yours in pickiness,

  15. Talathaon 07 Jun 2011 at 4:39 am


    Flying coach to me is a punishment, but I do it everytime. You never get what you pay for, you just pay for everything else you don’t want. First off, you get those kids who like to hit the back of your seat with their foot, and then you got those mothers who just look at you crazy. I will fight a kid too. There is no reason to feel that uncomfortable flying, and lets not for forget about the check in points. I might as well go naked Molly. By the time they get finished with me, the plane is about to leave. Check- in here, check-in there, check-in everywhere. My favorite part is the take off.


  16. Mollyon 07 Jun 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Hey, Talatha:

    I think Scotty needs to beam us all up! Flying coach is NO picnic. These plans were made to transport people and to get as many of us in there as possible.

    You know, if I had mega bucks, I might spend just a wee bit more on fashion and a few other things, but I wouldn’t go crazy. However, flying first class might just be something that my future wealthy self might put into the budget.

    I kind of enjoy take-off, too, but landing means that it will all be over shortly, and I like that part, a lot.

    Thanks for stopping by, g/f.

    Love hearing from you.

    Yours in pickiness,

  17. Carolineon 07 Jun 2011 at 7:03 am

    Oh, dear Molly —- yet again, you have found another topic that is so *right on!* How do you do it? I could rant about this for days.

    But I have found when I fly, I like to have the aisle seat so I can get up to use the can as needed. This is important to me as I like to have a couple (or seven) rum and cokes before boarding . . . . to keep from feeling the effects that everyone has mentioned thus far: kids kicking the backs of seats, stinky people, disrobing, physical exam via x-ray, and the like. My agenda when traveling is to make sure the trip is as forgettable as possible, that way I can focus more on my destination rather than the hellish venture of flying itself.

    Oh, btw, did you hear that there is a concept airplane in the works by one of these ever-so-customer friendly airlines to engineer a “seat” in which those aboard will be sitting/standing at about a 70 degree angle? It’s more like leaning or propping, I supposed. But it’s certainly not sitting . . . . thoughts?

  18. Mollyon 07 Jun 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Hey there, Caroline:

    Another interesting response from you. Thanks so much. Wow, g/f, I never heard of anyone getting buzzed on caffeine to avoid the craziness. While I do not function without my morning coffee (as my coworker & BFF Randy will attest to), I actually do the opposite from you. I try to avoid caffeine on a plane in hopes of sleeping through the ordeal.

    I believe I may have heard a word or two about the concept for a plane you mentioned, but I’m afraid it didn’t stick in my brain. Sounds intriguing, but I can’t tell if it is a fabulous or horrific idea. I wouldn’t want to try it for the first time on a long flight, though it might be preferable to the horror that is today’s coach travel.


  19. Carolineon 07 Jun 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Dear Molly —

    Let me emphasize that “rum” is the key ingredient in my travel elixir! 😉

    And as far as the concept of “leaning,” rather that sitting through a flight, I envision it to be similar to that of riding the subway, holding on for dear life. Could that be a reasonable parallel? Could such a concept work at 30K feet?


  20. Mollyon 07 Jun 2011 at 9:59 pm


    Oh, my, the ever-present “travel elixir.” How funny you should bring that up. Not that I’m talking about you, g/f, but sometimes it’s the peeps who are “elixirating” that you need to get away from the most. 🙂 I know; I’ve been sitting right next to them. 🙂

    Cheers! Thanks for stopping by again. Love your comments.


  21. Leigh Annon 08 Jun 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Hi Molly —-

    Boy, you show up two days late to this party and miss out on so much! This week’s blog is again, so right on!

    Actually, I thought it was my imagination or fading resilience (naivete?) of youth that made me think that travel had become so much more of a hassle than I remember even 10 years ago, but apparently it really is true. All of the technological hoop-jumping you have to do to even get to your gate is just ridiculous — taking off your shoes, now really!! isn’t this a little much? And don’t even get me started on that infernal body scanner thing y’all have been talking about!. We didn’t have to do all that 10 years ago and while I know 9/11 changed things, I think TSA has gone wayyyyyyyy overboard on what is truly necessary to travel safely. I’m insanely pissed by the time I even get to my gate.

    But then when you add to it that more people are flying now than ever before, (close to 1 billion a year projected in the next few years!) maybe I’m really not becoming a crotchety old lady, whining about how things were “when I was a kid.”

    Or maybe I am! 🙂

  22. Mollyon 08 Jun 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Hey Leigh Ann:

    Great to see you, g/f.

    Hey, while I was sitting at my desk writing a story yesterday, I saw a news headline saying that the International Air Transport Association unveiled a mock-up on Tuesday, in Singapore, of what they were calling “The Checkpoint of the Future.” Eye scanners and information chips in passports may be reducing the amount of time we spend/waste going through security. Google it, if you’re interested. All I know is that it may take quite a while before a new system is implemented, and in the meantime, airport security is going to be the same freakin’ headache it is now. But hopefully, things will get better. Where’s the lady with the magic wand?

    Thanks for stopping by! I’m always happy to see you. 🙂


  23. Leigh Annon 08 Jun 2011 at 9:01 pm

    Oh, dear Molly, say it aint so!! 🙁 Ugh! This reminds me so much of Orwell’s 1984 — and not in a good way! What’s a picky person to do??? Revolt? Or suck it up and deal with it?

  24. Mollyon 08 Jun 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Hey Leigh Ann:

    I don’t know g/f. With so much on my plate, I figure that’s just a bridge to cross when I get to it. But this world is becoming a bit too sci-fi for me some days, you know? Lots to ponder (and to be picky about) for sure.


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