May 22 2011
MOLLY, THE TOILET THREW UP!
Greetings, Cool Peeps:
Yes, I want to get married. And yes, believe it or not, I want to have children. When I was in high school, I had lots of babysitting jobs; it was a great way to enjoy the company of children and earn money.
But now I’m older. I adore kids, but I am too old to babysit. Just as I don’t want to attend any weddings until I have my own, I don’t want to babysit for any kids until I have my own.
About six years ago, I ran into a high school classmate here in Swansea. She had gotten married right out of high school (even I didn’t want to do that) and had three kids by the time she was twenty-three. When I saw her, she looked absolutely frazzled. She was pregnant with her fourth, taking her three-year-old twins to the doctor, and the babysitter at home had just called to say she had a family situation and couldn’t stay.
“Oh, Molly, I just live five minutes away from here, on Devonshire. Could you stay with Benjamin until I get home? I’ll only be an hour. You would be saving my life!”
I’m a nice person. How could I say no to saving a friend’s life? So I went to her house, relieved the anxious babysitter, and said hello to Benjamin, her five-year-old whom I’d met several times before.
The teenager on duty had informed me that it was Benjamin’s bath time and that she had just drawn a bubble bath for the grassy-kneed, mud-covered child. Wasting no time, I took Ben upstairs (I so had not bargained for that) only to find that in his effort to help the babysitter, he had poured out half a bottle of bubbles into the running water. The freakin’ bathtub was overflowing. The bubbles were everywhere.
My horror was no match for Benjamin’s delight. That’s right. De-freakin’-lighted. Before I knew it, the fully clothed child began splashing water and bubbles all over his clothing and his face. Then, he jumped in the tub and submerged himself in water. And then I saw him go “gulp!” And then another “gulp!”
“Oh, Benjamin,” I said, in utter mortification, pulling him out of the tub. “You’ve swallowed bubbles!”
The child looked around the bathroom, assessing the situation and wanting to reassure me all was well. “Don’t worry, Molly,” he said, looking at the bubbles that now covered the floor. “There’s still lots left.”
The inner me screamed, and I told Benjamin we would have to drain the tub and clean the bathroom and start all over again. Cleaning the bathroom, redrawing the bath, and washing Ben without clothes took forty-five minutes. No sign of his mother. Just as Ben was finishing his bath, she finally called. I was thrilled.
“Hi, Molly. Everything okay? The doctor had a hospital emergency, so he’s just seeing patients now. You don’t mind staying with Benjamin for another hour, do you?”
I wasn’t happy, but karma being the bitch that it is, I thought I might score some points with the cosmos by playing the happy camper.
Determined to be a stellar role model to this bubbly child in his mother’s absence, I explained to him that after he got out of the tub and dressed, we would wash his soaking wet clothes because you should only put dry clothing into a hamper.
After Ben was finally toweled dry, he told me that he wanted to use the toilet by himself. I gave him his privacy and told him I’d just be in the next room if he needed me.
I went into the den and sat down. This wasn’t so bad. I would enjoy being a mother some day.
“Molly!” came the scream. “The toilet threw up!”
Benjamin, after doing his business, had decided to surprise me by washing his wet clothing—in the toilet. For all of our sakes, I will not describe in graphic detail. It wasn’t a pretty sight.
I know, peeps, I’m lame. I’ll toughen up when I have my own. I’m sure of it.
So, make me feel like a real duh-you-moron wimp. Tell me your crazy kid stories. I can take it.
Hi Molly,
Very kind of you to offer your friend (a little) respite from junior. Yes, babysitting can be troublesome to say the least. Perhaps that is why so many peeps are happy to remain childless, and be fondly known as, the favourite Aunt or Uncle. 🙂
Until next week,
Cheers, Stuart 🙂
Hi Molly,
My mother always told the story of my brother Al when he was two.
One day she was in the kitchen getting things ready for dinner and he got very quiet. She yelled, “AL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“NOTHING MOM JUST TAKING THE BOOKS OUT OF THE BOOK CASE.” Well he had taken about five hundred of the two thousand books out of the book cases. Saying nothing except don’t do this again she began picking up books. Until he was very quiet again.
“AL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” answer “NOTHING MOM, JUST PUTTING THE CATS IN THE FLOUR BIN.” He had taken the three, not one or two, but three kittens and dumped them into the large metal lined drawer where the flour was kept.
Picking him up she put him in the bedroom with my baby sister Paula, while cleaning up the kittens, the flour, and picking up the books.
Soon she heard Paula screaming and again “AL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“NOTHING MOM JUST POWDERING THE BABY.” He had taken the entire, mind you over large, family sized can of baby powder and it was all over Paula and the entire room.
She put him in the Bathtub. While cleaning Paula, the bedroom, kittens, kitchen and putting away the books, he got very quiet again.
“AL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” response “NOTHING MOM JUST PUTTING BUBBLES INTO THE BATH!”
Mind you at this time their were eight children, so everything was supersized. He had taken every bubble, shampoo, and hair conditioner and dumped it in the tub.
She said she could hardly pick him up he was so slippery, but didn’t yell at him after all he, she had never told him not to do these things and he hadn’t lied to her.
Well Molly my dad came home to a clean house, but as dinner wasn’t ready yet his first remark was “What were you doing all day?”
OMG, Marta:
I know I am not meant to be the mother of a brood. That is unfreakin’ real! What a hilarious story. Like I said to Sheri, I knew that you cool peeps could wimp me out in no time. My last nerve would have been shot.
Stuart mentioned in his blog that some people remain childless while taking on the favorite aunt or uncle role. I hope to be more than Aunt Molly, but I’d better toughen up. Maybe I should do more babysitting. On second thought, naaaaa. Great story; thanks so much for sharing.
YIP,
Molly
SO many memories just came flooding back.
Obviously having 2 kids -we have SO many, however, I use to babysit 4 kids up the road from me when I was 16. It was really good money to fool around and then study after the kiddly winks FINALLY hit the hay. There were really 5 kids in the house – one who should have known better 🙂 Can’t help myself, horsey rides a-plenty until they all wanted to get on my back at the same time. ‘ Stacks on Lisa..yeah’. I would laugh so hard that many an emergency escape was needed for the bathroom. and a breather until ….’Shoulder rides anyone.’
I would get the kids so hyped up, I had such a hard time getting them to bed..surprise surprise and soooo late. The place was SOOOO messed up and I felt I had done my workout for the week. The folks would come home and all was calm. I wonder if the kids ever spilt the beans of what went on in the house 😀
If you ever need any pointers Molly just let me know…Actually ..probably not a good idea :-/
Thanks for the cool Blog
Always quality entertainment and exquisite graphics.
Ha ha ha, Lisa. Maybe it was all a ruse and those kids were meant to babysit you. OMG, you sound like you were the BEST babysitter. When I was growing up, there was a retired schoolteacher next door who was usually the sitter of choice for me and my younger sister, Hannah. “No-nonsense, Nellie.” She was very nice, but it was like being in freakin’ school when she would babysit. She just had to get a reading or geography lesson in there before we went to bed. And of course, my parents loved it. Hannah and I — notsomuch! Great story. YIP, Molly
Molly,
Great topic..I must say I am the queen of babysitting…for the past 30 something years I have been “the Sitter” maybe it is my problem with saying “No” and always wanting to help out. But anyway…..
I have so many babysitting horror stories but the two that stick out the most….
I was 16 and saving for some designer jeans (Remember those Molly? ) anyway…I was sitting (for) four children 2, 4, 6, 8….well while I was assisting six-year old in bathroom, four-year old gave two-year old a nice hair cut…hhmmm Mommy and Daddy were not impressed, and that was my last time sitting those children.
And my biggest disaster, Baby sitting a four-year old and infant….four-year old locked me outside, while (inside) playing with matches and catching the garbage can on fire! no major damage, no one hurt. Needless to say…I never sat at that house again.
A kind word to those parents…please, PLEASE attempt to child proof your home before leaving your precious ones with sitters……
Thanks for enlightening us again Molly!
Sheri,
OMG, those are some stories, g/f. I knew you guys could make me feel like a wimp in no time at all. The haircut story is hilarious, but it would take me a while to laugh if it happened on my watch. But getting locked out of the house while a kid was inside playing with matches? Yeah, someone needed to childproof their home for sure, ya think? Thanks so much for sharing. I should consider myself lucky! YIP, Molly
Hi, Molly.
One babysitting adventure sticks out. Fortunately, or maybe not, it was more of an embarrassment than a total disaster.
A friend and I were watching one boy with a rather dubious reputation. Funny, he behaved for us. Anyway, he went to bed, and we were bored, so we started looking through the VHS (remember those?) collection. They had given us permission to do so before they left.
Turned out that, behind the first row of action and horror movies, was a second row–of pornographic ones! We could barely look the parents in the eye when they got home!
We weren’t so embarrassed that we didn’t sit for that kid again: His parents paid well and always had great snacks.
Let that be a caution to some parents, though. Please keep your private life out of the living room and locked away somewhere, well, less public.
Marcy:
So nice to meet you, g/f. I’m so glad you posted this story. I know someone who left her video collection in plain sight, too, and it wasn’t just porn, it was her and her husband’s homemade cinema verité. When they got home, they saw that it had been moving from it’s not-so-hidden hiding place, but to this day, they have no freakin’ clue if it was seen or not. It is VERY likely that their video was not only seen, but also that a review was given to the entire neighborhood. I told my gal pal she was lucky the video was still there. If the sitter had taken it, well, there would be nothing left to do but move out of town, ya think? Ha ha.
Thanks for the wise words of caution, Marcy. Great post.
Yours in pickiness,
Molly
YIP,
Molly
Molly, I’m one of those who chooses the auntie role over the mother role as well, but wow, babysitting doesn’t sound like a cake walk at all. Personally, I like to admire children from afar, and my family is really small, so I don’t have many babysitting stories. I do have some pretty tough dog-sitting stories, but I’ll save those for another post 🙂 Good luck toughening up!